When I Grew Up

When I Grow Up - Pussycat Dolls


That's been one of my favourite songs for the last little while. When I Grow Up, I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies. That's how the song goes. As I recounted the events that went down today my question was, when did I grow up? How did the time go by?


It all started today when I went to my sister's house to celebrate Eid (end of Ramadan). It was a day of firsts. It was the first time I spent Eid away from my parents and my counsins. It was also the first time I spent Eid with just my sister. It was the first time I bought gifts for my nephew and niece. It was the first time I felt like family wasn't an overrated word.




Let's start with a little history:


As a child my sister and I were really close. I had a brother as well, but as a child I never really got along with him. My sister and I would do everything together which many found hard to believe since we were ten years apart. It didn't make a difference to us. When I was a child, she would take care of me, spend time with me, protect me and just love me. As I grew older she would be there as I took my first steps. She was someone I looked up to and would go to when I needed. She was my best friend. We would play games together like Mortal Kombat or Super Mario and make fun of the funny noises the fighters in Mortal Kombat made (i.e. "ALIBABAREY"). We had so many inside jokes and things between us that I could write a book about. I had friends at school, and I had cousins that were my age but ultimately it was my sister who I would best enjoy my time with.



When I was 9, she got married. That is when it felt like my world came crashing down. I never prepared myself for that day to come. After all she was only 19. During the marriage ceremony I kept a straight face and was continuously smiling. It was when the doors of the limo opened that I felt like a part of my life was being taken away from me. She was saying her goodbyes to everyone. I just stood there, petrified. Finally when she sat in the limo and was preparing to leave did my tears flood out. Saying "I'll miss you" or even "I love you" was impossible. If either of us said anything we would choke on tears. It was the tears that expressed everything unsaid. Finally the limo had to go so I closed the door still in tears not able to say a word. As the limo left I felt like everyone that was close to me was driving away from me; my sister, my role model, my best friend.


Since then, things never remained the same between us. We talked and we hung out and everything. However it felt as everyday we grew further apart from eachother. This didn't happen intentionally of course, it happened as a result of circumstances around us. I wasn't pleased about the situation but there was limited that I could do. She had her own life now with new priorities and responsibilities. I had little things that reminded me of her that I would go to when I missed her. I had a lot of these little things that ranged from pictures to cards to videos to movies / songs to everything in between. As time went by we did grow further apart from eachother, again due to cirumstances around us. We did share good times in between but never was it like when I was a child. Eventually she had her first child who was a girl. I was an uncle and I loved taking care of her. I didn't get that oppurtunity too often but when I did I made great use of it. We were still drifiting further apart when she had her second child, this time a boy. The distance had grown to such that taking care or shairng some good memories with him was a rare thing. Soon, she moved from Toronto to Ottawa. This is when it felt like me having a sister was a thing of my childhood. There were nights where I would close the door, play my music and just let tears flow onto my bed. During this time, my brother and I got closer and it was easier coping with the situation. I also hung out and vented with my friends which also helped the situation. At the end of summer 2008, I moved to Ottawa for University and we slowly started to speak again which brings me to today.

Today, as mentioned above, I went to my sister's to go celebrate Eid. Since I got her, we've only seen eachother about twice so I wasn't really expecting much of the hangout. I thought it would be like a "Happy Eid / Eid Mubarak" give gifts, sit down for a bit, and I left. However, it was much more than that. It started off as just "Eid Mubarak" and gradually we started joking around like we did when we were younger. Eventually things went so well that we started playing Mortal Kombat and joked about the jokes we made. It was like a reunion almost. We spent the day together. I got to spend some quality time with the kids, and Ali (the younger boy) started calling me by my name "Tizzer" and would just come sit beside me, or ask me to play with him by chasing him. Everytime I would check my phone, he'd go crazy asking me to give it to him. When I did he would get hyper and run around. It was when my sister said "that's what you were like after you drank Lucozade" (an energy drink I used to get hyper with when I was a child) that I began to remember all of my childhood. It hit me that time went by so fast. It felt like it was just yesterday that I was going on walks with my sister to the mall or playing games like Mortal Kombat with her. Now she's a mother of 2 and I'm in University. It felt like I grew up so fast. Where did the time go?


The day continued and my sister began cleaning up in time for her husband to come home. I was looking after the kids. As she was cleaning she was like "Khizer look what picture I found". I looked and it was a picture from her wedding where I was hugging her goodbye. I never knew that picture was taken. At that point, the two of us shared a silent moment. Deep down, I felt that with a little effort things would go back to the way they were. Dinner was amazing. I was away from family but still with family. A day that I thought would be a quick little visit ended up being one of the greatest Eid's I've ever had.