I Walk Alone

Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known...I walk alone, I walk alone. That's how that song goes. As mentioned in my last entry, the OC Transpo (Ottawa Transit) has gone on strike and as a result walking has been my best friend. Because I don't live on residence, I rely on busses for all transportation and lately all I've had is my feet. The good thing was, my major exams were done so really the only transportation I had to do was getting to work and back everyday. The bad thing, I worked a whole week from Thursday to Sunday with just a Wednesday off. I actually like walking so that was never the problem. In fact, because I love snow so much, walking to work listening to my music was actually a lot of fun at the beggining, but a half hour wak to work and then back eventually drained me out when I got home.

So lets start off by talking about walk. Its a long, straight walk. I get out of my apartment and walk all the way down to my mall. No turning left, no turning right, just straight. A blind man would be in heaven! As much as I've enjoyed my experiences walking, thinking about the long run, I really need the busses to go off strike because soon my holidays will be over and it will be back to school. School is an hour away (by walk of course) and with 5 courses in the semester walking there and back everyday at various times wouldn't be the best option. That being said, spending 40 on a cab every day for 5 days wouldn't be the way I intend to spend the money I'm currently making at Go! Games. So really, I hope by new years all this is figured out and the strike is over!

To be honest, so many people rely on the bus system in Ottawa; University students, workers, seniors and without the transit we can only last so long! I'm not the only one; there are students who live on the opposite end of town that are paying their way to school and the last thing they need is to find a way to get there. I was reading an editorial today labelled "How the Grinch stole Transit which I found amusing and true.

So before I end this rant, I guess the bright side to this whole walking is the exercise (oh I make myself laugh) and really the time I need to myself to think and reflect upon myself and what I do and what I will do. In a way I'm glad I have the walking oppurtinity and a way to enjoy Ottawa's snow, however I do wish it ends soon enough so I can start getting around town normally.

It's Been A While...

Break The Ice - Britney Spears

It's been a while, I know I shouldn't have kept you waiting...but I'm here now. That's how that song goes. It definitely has been a while since my last post and I really don't know where to begin. The last month and half has been crazy busy with school and life in Ottawa that I haven't really gotten a chance to write much lately. Let's see if I can catch you up on everything going on...

About a month ago I went back to Toronto for the second time since I've been to Ottawa. This time the visit was longer and it was definitely more fun filled. I was able to go back to Ancaster once again and meet some friends and also went to Niagara Falls to meet a new friend whom I've gotten to know pretty well in a short period of time. The visit was generally on the positive end with some exceptions of course but overall I had a good time. I was pretty sure that was my last visit back for a while, however things changed and I went to Toronto sooner than I thought. After my second and final chemistry midterm on the 28th of November, I was preparing to go back to Toronto with my brother-in-law and sister. That was stalled with weather keeping us in Ottawa an extra day and as a result we went back the next day. The visit was very short indeed but it was very much enjoyed. Some friends visited and we checked out a restaurant called Moxies in Yorkdale and just hung out for a bit. I also spent some quality time with my parents and it had been a while since that happened.

After coming home the exam period started and luckily I only have two exams coming up for the semester. Of course good things do come at cost, and that cost was a bad exam schedule resulting in missing a relative's wedding. For the time remaining tho I was able to find a job which will keep me busy during the break.

I'm pretty excited for the upcoming break as I hear that winter in Ottawa brings many great festivities. These come at a price as well and that's very cold temperatures. As well, just today the OC Transpo (Ottawa Bus service) just went on strike! To some that means nothing, but to people like me that means no transportation! Heavily relying on the bus for everywhere I go, getting to my exam and getting to work will be a little dilemma, however I can walk to the latter so we'll see what happens.

Hopefully reading this has given you a little bit of an update on what's going on. Of all the blogs posted, this is probably the least interesting and probably most different from my typical blogs. What I'm trying to say is that there was a little break between entries, but holidays coming up, I'll be more up to date with the entries so keep a look out for those!

A Blog from the Past...

So as I was looking over some documents, I found this "note" that I posted on Facebook early this year when my friend and I missed our One Republic concert. Here is the note (kind of embarassing but whatever):

NoRepublic - Wednesday, February 6, 2008 at 11:56pm

So today me and one of my best friends were going to a One Republic Concert in Toronto. We live in Ancaster which is about an hour away. So throughout school I was excited for the concert and after school she came on the bust home with me. My mom gave us food and I was originally supposed to go to my orthodontist to pick up my retainer but they called and resechuduled due to weather. That should've warned us.

So my mom drops us off to the train station and we take the Express bus down to Toronto. The minute we get off the bus (6:00), a huge clap of thunder and lightning. It scared both of us. We felt like we were in a war ground. The weather was HORRIBLE. SNOW EVERYWHERE.

We take the subway down to the station we were supposed to get off at. It was COLLEGE station and ACCORDING TO YAHOO MAPS the club they were playing at "MOD CLUB" was two minutes away from the station. We arrive at the station and get off and start walking in the horrible snow. Changing directions over and over to avoid snow. After about 10 minutes we're like "where is it" so we ask someone and they say its about 1/2 hour away from where you are now. We were like OMG!!!!!

We continue to walk hoping a street car will come but none came. Finally after about 15 minutes of walking we stop at a variety store asking how much further and apparently they said another 25 minutes! WE WERRE LIKE "EFFFFFFFFFFFFF". The time was 7:00 when we were at the variety store. The show was at 7:00. Weather was horrible. Snow everywhere. Cars were moving slower than us. No streetcars in sight.

They told us the streetcars were the best way to get there the fastest so we waited....and waited....and waited. Finally we're like you know what, lets go home. The weather is horrible and we're hungry and we live an hour away. So we went to the Burger King across the street-car stop and the moment we were about to order, I saw the street car coming so i'm like "Let's hurry". So the streetcar came and it was overpacked so waited for the next one which was right behind the other. We climbed onto that one only to know it only goes halfway to the club.

It dropped us off at 500 college. The club was at 722 college. We walked and walked and walked some more......in the snow. Finally after 10 minutes of more walking we arrive at the club. We go inside and they were like "Oh OneRepublic Cancelled tonight. Ryan Lost his voice so its rescheduled to May. You can use your tickets then". WE WERE LIKE FACKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All that walking for nothing. It was weird cuz the club was so small we probably could've met them too. So the girl was like the closest subway is where you came from take a street car bakc. It'll come every 10 minutes.

We were so dissapointed. We were like Ryan, "Its too late for you to apologize" . So we waited for the streetcar that took forever to come so we started walking back. Her hair was frozen. My hair was frozen. We were walking back and finally were like, this is pathetic. We werre sad. We both looked like we were about to cry. Our hands were frozen. Our hair was frozen. We were wet all over. Finally we stopped and said lets wait for the streetcar. After another 20 minutes of waiting it came. The time was 8:15. We were on a packed streetcar.

We finally get back to the train station and realize we had a minute to get to the bus before it left to go back to Hamilton. That meant NO FOOD. . So we get on the bus finally and couldn't sit together cuz there wasn't enough seats. The bus ride that would normally take an hour, took about an hour and a half and I had to go to the washroom sooo baddd. Finally we arrive at about 10:00 and we go to the McDonalds and get food and warm up. I called my mom to pick us up and they did by like 10:45. She asked what happened and we told her and like a mom she was like "I knew you shouldn't have gone". We dropped my friend home and then came home right now. My friend and I live 5 minutes away from eachother but the drive to her place and back to mine took about 20 minutes cuz of all the snow.

I'm cold, I'm wet, I'm dissapointed, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm hoping there's a snow day tommorow.



Embarassing much? Maybe a little, but I thought it would be neat to post since updates have been a bit slow lately.

New Banner!

Hey everyone,

So the blog finally has a banner thanks to a good friend of mine named Varun. I think he did a great job. Let me know what you think!

-Khizer

The Return Home

Home – Three Days Grace

Home, Home, This house is not a home.

This past weekend was my trip home after a month and a half at university. I was really excited to go home and see my family and friends again. The funny thing is; I didn’t really feel at “home” till I went to Ancaster the following morning.

This past summer was filled with many big events. In a nutshell: I graduated from high school, moved with my family from Ancaster to Toronto and headed to Ottawa for university at the University of Ottawa. So when I went back to my house in Toronto last Thursday it didn’t feel very homey at all. I felt like I was living in a rental or a hotel almost with my parents. That feeling of being home would not really click in. It was when I went to Ancaster to visit my friends at high school did I really feel at home.


The drive up to Ancaster was long as I was bombarded with traffic and had my mom, grandma and family friend who wanted to drop off on the way as well. When I finally arrived in “A-Town” all the drowsiness I had from lack of sleep the previous night was gone. The leaves were changing colours and the town was so beautiful. It felt as if nothing had changed since I left. I went to the school and met up with some of my friends that stayed back as post grads. It was great, we had lunch, chatted a bit, went for a walk in the “valley” behind the pool (I don’t know its official name), and last but not least went for a quick McDonald’s run with my best friend. Although we didn’t have much time together, the time we did was amazing and it was great seeing her again.

Later that day I went up to Waterloo with my roommate to go visit my best guy friend. That was fun as well and I got to see some other people from my school that went their as well. When I finally decided to call it a day and started driving home from Waterloo and going to pick up my mom from Ancaster did I become very quiet and reflect. Leaving Ancaster was really hard. Looking in the rearview mirror seeing me leave my home, the city I spent some of my most memorable moments in, the city where most of my friends lie, was very emotional. The ride back to Toronto was silent. I played some of my favourite music I listen to when I get lost in my thoughts.

I got back to my house in Toronto and went to bed straight away. After staying there for the weekend, it didn’t really seem any homier to me. To be honest, after visiting Ancaster on Friday, it made it less of a home to me. I don’t really foresee myself ever calling that house a home. The years I spent in Ancaster will never be forgotten and I feel a part of my life will always be in that city. The city I call home.

Pressure

Pressue - Belly featuring Ginuwine

I think they feel they pressure. I know they feel the pressure now. Thats how that song goes. That's also how my life is going at the moment. Its like shaking a bottle pop: you can shake it and shake it until a point where explodes. After shaking it too much it also loses all its gas and doesn't taste the same or how its supposed to. I'm going through the same phase right now. I feel like I'm being shaken so much that soon my time will come where I either explode or change drastically to someone who I don't want to be.

Many expectations can be put onto one person but what if those expectations aren't what you expect from yourself? What if you're at Univeristy to do what maybe isn't what you want to do? So many what if's and not many answers to those. This bottle is being shaked and is on the verge of explosion.

When I Grew Up

When I Grow Up - Pussycat Dolls


That's been one of my favourite songs for the last little while. When I Grow Up, I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies. That's how the song goes. As I recounted the events that went down today my question was, when did I grow up? How did the time go by?


It all started today when I went to my sister's house to celebrate Eid (end of Ramadan). It was a day of firsts. It was the first time I spent Eid away from my parents and my counsins. It was also the first time I spent Eid with just my sister. It was the first time I bought gifts for my nephew and niece. It was the first time I felt like family wasn't an overrated word.




Let's start with a little history:


As a child my sister and I were really close. I had a brother as well, but as a child I never really got along with him. My sister and I would do everything together which many found hard to believe since we were ten years apart. It didn't make a difference to us. When I was a child, she would take care of me, spend time with me, protect me and just love me. As I grew older she would be there as I took my first steps. She was someone I looked up to and would go to when I needed. She was my best friend. We would play games together like Mortal Kombat or Super Mario and make fun of the funny noises the fighters in Mortal Kombat made (i.e. "ALIBABAREY"). We had so many inside jokes and things between us that I could write a book about. I had friends at school, and I had cousins that were my age but ultimately it was my sister who I would best enjoy my time with.



When I was 9, she got married. That is when it felt like my world came crashing down. I never prepared myself for that day to come. After all she was only 19. During the marriage ceremony I kept a straight face and was continuously smiling. It was when the doors of the limo opened that I felt like a part of my life was being taken away from me. She was saying her goodbyes to everyone. I just stood there, petrified. Finally when she sat in the limo and was preparing to leave did my tears flood out. Saying "I'll miss you" or even "I love you" was impossible. If either of us said anything we would choke on tears. It was the tears that expressed everything unsaid. Finally the limo had to go so I closed the door still in tears not able to say a word. As the limo left I felt like everyone that was close to me was driving away from me; my sister, my role model, my best friend.


Since then, things never remained the same between us. We talked and we hung out and everything. However it felt as everyday we grew further apart from eachother. This didn't happen intentionally of course, it happened as a result of circumstances around us. I wasn't pleased about the situation but there was limited that I could do. She had her own life now with new priorities and responsibilities. I had little things that reminded me of her that I would go to when I missed her. I had a lot of these little things that ranged from pictures to cards to videos to movies / songs to everything in between. As time went by we did grow further apart from eachother, again due to cirumstances around us. We did share good times in between but never was it like when I was a child. Eventually she had her first child who was a girl. I was an uncle and I loved taking care of her. I didn't get that oppurtunity too often but when I did I made great use of it. We were still drifiting further apart when she had her second child, this time a boy. The distance had grown to such that taking care or shairng some good memories with him was a rare thing. Soon, she moved from Toronto to Ottawa. This is when it felt like me having a sister was a thing of my childhood. There were nights where I would close the door, play my music and just let tears flow onto my bed. During this time, my brother and I got closer and it was easier coping with the situation. I also hung out and vented with my friends which also helped the situation. At the end of summer 2008, I moved to Ottawa for University and we slowly started to speak again which brings me to today.

Today, as mentioned above, I went to my sister's to go celebrate Eid. Since I got her, we've only seen eachother about twice so I wasn't really expecting much of the hangout. I thought it would be like a "Happy Eid / Eid Mubarak" give gifts, sit down for a bit, and I left. However, it was much more than that. It started off as just "Eid Mubarak" and gradually we started joking around like we did when we were younger. Eventually things went so well that we started playing Mortal Kombat and joked about the jokes we made. It was like a reunion almost. We spent the day together. I got to spend some quality time with the kids, and Ali (the younger boy) started calling me by my name "Tizzer" and would just come sit beside me, or ask me to play with him by chasing him. Everytime I would check my phone, he'd go crazy asking me to give it to him. When I did he would get hyper and run around. It was when my sister said "that's what you were like after you drank Lucozade" (an energy drink I used to get hyper with when I was a child) that I began to remember all of my childhood. It hit me that time went by so fast. It felt like it was just yesterday that I was going on walks with my sister to the mall or playing games like Mortal Kombat with her. Now she's a mother of 2 and I'm in University. It felt like I grew up so fast. Where did the time go?


The day continued and my sister began cleaning up in time for her husband to come home. I was looking after the kids. As she was cleaning she was like "Khizer look what picture I found". I looked and it was a picture from her wedding where I was hugging her goodbye. I never knew that picture was taken. At that point, the two of us shared a silent moment. Deep down, I felt that with a little effort things would go back to the way they were. Dinner was amazing. I was away from family but still with family. A day that I thought would be a quick little visit ended up being one of the greatest Eid's I've ever had.

It's Khizer!

I never thought the day would come when I would create my own blog but never say never right? I've always used Facebook and Myspace as methods for people to get to know me, but this blog will give people the oppurtunity to get a deeper look inside of me. So sit tight as it will be a fun ride!